There is a relationship that no one prepares you to have. And it is the relationship with your gynecologist .

If you’ve been lucky enough to come from a family where the subject of sexuality is talked about with the same confidence as what’s in the fridge, you can tell where the shots are going to go.

But even so, it is quite shocking when you go to the office for the first time and it is not very clear to you what that chair is that looks like a medieval torture instrument.

And just for that reason, Dr. Miriam Al Adib, a gynecologist and writer, prefers to use the term ‘gynecology of love’.

In her words it is “passion, affection, commitment, motivation, continuous training… With all of this I pursue the transformation in women’s health: empowering women , relieving them, respecting free and informed decision-making, improving their quality of life, making visible the complexity of female sexual and reproductive processes so that the normal is not pathologised nor is the pathological normalized”.

Aware that we can be quite modest when it comes to dropping our pants, right off the bat with a gynecologist with whom you have barely exchanged a “Good morning”, her advice is to remember that they are professionals or even share that we are somewhat tense.

In addition, sharing our intimate life in consultation – especially if we carry a sexually transmitted infection – makes us feel that we can be judged by how we carry our sexuality.

«I recommend that you keep in mind that the people who dedicate ourselves to this profession are here to help you, never to judge you . There is nothing in your body to be ashamed of, or guilty of, whatever your sexual health issue is,” says Miriam.

«You can expose your situation and your concerns without fear, we are not going to be scared by what you can tell us, nor are we going to reproach you for anything, in this profession we listen and deal with many situations and/or problems every day like the one you may have ».

“Do not be overwhelmed or have to apologize for completely inconsequential things such as not having shaved or not having your vulva freshly washed, absolutely nothing happens, with normal daily hygiene it is more than enough , it is not necessary to do anything extraordinary for the fact of coming to a gynecological consultation”, he explains.

Could it be that, now that we have managed to relax with the fact that we can see some hair in bed, we will finally be able to stop worrying if we arrive at the doctor’s appointment without waxing to zero? I hope so.

Body awareness

But, beyond that, I am interested in knowing if the doctor thinks that we have “cut” distances with our genitals -and we are familiar with the colors and textures  of the areas less accessible to the eye-, or we come to the consultation without knowing what we happens downstairs.

“In the consultations I observe a lot of disconnection with this part of the body,” confirms the doctor. “In general it seems that it is not well integrated into our bodily consciousness. To the point that some women are scared by things that are not important: a simple pimple, a more obvious caruncle of the hymen, women who are scared by touching “something weird” (and the same thing they have touched their cervix)…”

“Other women say that their vulvas or vaginas disgust them , the discharge, the hair… Some believe that they have a problem because the labia minora are larger (that is why I do not like to call them minor, since they do not have to honor to their name and can stand out above the elders). There are many sexual problems that also derive from a bad body awareness.

So, to avoid this situation, it is key that, as Miriam recommends, we develop our body awareness: «When you have good body awareness, you immediately detect any change that requires going to a consultation, and also for just the opposite: you don’t get scared if you see yourself a simple pimple on the vulva because you clearly know it doesn’t matter. When you don’t have good body awareness you get scared by everything.

It is not so much turning the moment of taking out a mirror and looking at yourself every day into something routine, but “looking at yourself from time to time (without becoming obsessed with it or taking it as a “routine”) is good to promote body awareness, this makes that we know each other well, if there is a problem you can see if something has changed” .

“I will give you an example: a young patient who comes to the office and has chronic itching in the vulva. On examination I see the labia minora very small, almost absent. When I ask if the labia were like this before or if they have noticed that they are changing, most usually answer “I don’t know, I’ve never looked at myself”. In this case, if you told me that they were bigger before and that they are disappearing, it could help me to better guide the differential diagnosis between certain diseases, such as lichen, for example”, says Miriam.

In addition, when it comes to regular medical check-ups such as screenings that help identify diseases, the expert recalls that “there is no standard check-up that is the same for everyone. It depends on the risk factors and the health problems and/or needs that each person has.”